Knockout

I am reading "Knockout" by Suzanne Somers, which someone who is going through cancer suggested I read. I would suggest everyone read this book! I will NEVER do chemo, and I would beg anyone else not to either. I am feeling great, and feel so blessed to be so healthy and not have to do any treatments. Life is so, so good.

Downgrade - Great News!

Dr. Persky, the Tucson Lymphoma specialist called me today. He said that after reviewing my slides he is down-grading the cancer diagnosis from a 3A to a 1-2! So he says we will "Wait and Watch" as planned. I was hoping for news that it was a misdiagnosis and was never cancer in the first place. This is the next best thing, so I'll take it!! Happy Day!

THANK YOU!!!

I just wanted to send out a big THANK YOU to everyone for your prayers, thoughts, and words of encouragement. I really appreciate it!

NO CHEMO!!!

Dave and I left around 7:30 a.m. for Tucson. My appointment was at 10:30 with Dr. Persky who is a Lymphoma specialist at the Arizona Cancer Center at UofA. We had a long wait - over 2 hours, but it was totally worth it! He spent a long time with us going over my history, my records, results of the tests, and examined me (especially all the places where lymphoma usually hangs out). Then he told us his recommendation for treatment: Watch and Wait. Boy, were those the words I wanted to hear!!!! He wants me to follow up in 3 months with Dr. Chang. He is also going to examine my pathology slides and make sure that it is indeed 3A. If it is higher, I need to do chemo ASAP, but he doesn't expect it to be higher. He is also going to discuss my case with his fellow doctors because my case is so rare. I can't even explain how happy and relieved I am! I have my life back! I can play with grandkids, travel, etc. Happy day, happy day!!!!

That's the FAX!

I made an appointment for next week with the specialist at UofA last Thursday. I immediately contacted Dr. Chang's office to have my records sent. I was hoping to get in this week because next week is crazy graduation week. The UofA office called today and asked if I could come in tomorrow! Just what I was hoping for! Then I found out that my records were never sent! I went to Ironwood Cancer Center, got a copy of my records, and faxed them myself. I should have done that in the first place! Hard lesson learned.

Oreganos!

Dave, Tannis and I went to Oreganos to celebrate! And I could taste it!!! The results of the tests were as good as was possible. No signs of cancer. Dr. Chang still wants me to do Chemo. She wants me to start this week, but will let me wait 2 weeks until after Tannis' graduation. She told us about a Lymphoma specialist at the U of A in Tucson who may have a clinical trial that I may be a candidate for. I am checking that out ASAP, in fact Dave left a message for him today. I really like Dr. Chang. I like how she encourages me to weigh my options, instead of insisting I do what she says. For the Chemo, I will have to have a port installed and a heart test. And I'll be shopping for a wig. None of this would be my choice of activities, but I need to get over all that and move forward and do what I gotta do.

Tomorrow, tomorrow, I don't love ya, tomorrow

Tomorrow I find out the results of the blood test, PET Scan, and Bone Marrow Biopsy. This whole experience has been absolutely SURREAL! Has anyone else ever felt like that? Things like this happen to other people. I don't even want to go to the appointment. Best case scenario: No signs of cancer, but the doctor still wants me to do Chemo. If that happens, I will probably get a second opinion.

Before Elder Mason Crandell called on Sunday, I asked my other kids if I should tell him about the Chemo. I had told him everything else, but not that. Everyone said I should tell him so that I could tell him on the phone instead of a letter. So I told him just before we hung up. I really don't want him to worry, but the faithful prayers of a missionary might come in handy.

Dave and I went to the temple tonight. I'm trying to be calm and accept whatever happens. It's hard.

What's that Smell?

I haven't been able to smell or taste for over a month. I thought I was just having allergies (which I've never had before). I haven't been able to smell candles burning, poopy diapers, nothing. We've saved $$$ because I won't go out to eat if I can't taste it! It has been so frustrating! Preston had us over for a BBQ. Nothing! For Dave's birthday (over a month ago) we went to Black Angus to get his free steak dinner. I couldn't taste a thing! I need to eat, but it is no fun when you can't taste. Funny thing is, I have NEVER been hungry all these weeks. I just have to remember to eat. How could we market this diet? Anyone who knows me knows that food is my life. I love to eat more than anything! Maybe that is one reason I have been depressed lately (besides doing tests for cancer!!!!) Normally I'd get me something fabulous to eat, and all would be right with the world. At least for a little while. I finally got some medicine last night for my sinus infection. I just went to Wal-Mart where someone was making and selling Kettle Corn, with free samples. I could taste it! So if this continues, we are at Oregano's TODAY!!!!

Bone Marrow Biopsy

I went to Banner Baywood today for the Bone Marrow Biopsy. They had to take my blood to test it before they could do it. 2 pricks, not fun. Then a more experienced nurse came in to put the IV in (for the anesthesia). It took her 2 tries, or maybe it was 3. She kept apologizing and digging around. After that, it was pretty much a breeze! The lady doing the test was preparing the area (lower back on the right side) and the anesthesiologist was preparing his stuff. I asked him if he was going to put me out before they deadened the area. He said "yes" and that's the last thing I remember. Everyone was SO nice. Dave joined me and I finally got some water to drink! It's been 9 hours, and I am not that sore. Miss Christi and Miss Kelee from preschool brought us dinner! Thank you!

PET Scan

I had my PET scan today. I was REALLY nervous about it because I am claustrophobic. It wasn't bad!!! The nice lady, Jennifer, took me in a room and pricked my finger to check my sugar level or something. Then she put an IV in (one prick, she was good) and shot the dye in. Then she took the IV out! I thought it was going to stay in the whole time! I took an anti-anxiety pill that the doctor had prescribed. Jennifer left the room after covering me with a warm blanket. I rested for an hour, took a pee, then approached the machine. It was the donut type, but thicker, not the open glass one that I had seen on google. I put a washcloth over my eyes so I wouldn't know when my head was inside. I thought of my kids and grandkids. Emery with her little princesses, Ian pushing his dumptrucks in the sand, Landon lining up all his cars, and Elliot repeating everything in a book. And I sang primary songs in my head the whole time. Before I knew it, she comes in and said I was done! 10-15 minutes tops!

Bone test

I have my Bone Marrow Biopsy scheduled for May 5, with ANESTHESIA!! I'm a wimp, I admit it. I also had to go do another blood test today. 2 pokes this time, with a small needle. Why was I blessed with small veins???

One Day at a Time

I feel so much better this morning! I even got a decent amount of sleep for the first time since Thursday! It really made me feel better to talk to my kids last night. Ian was snuggling with me on the couch this morning watching "Baby Van Gogh" (it's great, have you seen it?) and I realized I will do it. I CAN do it. I have to do it. Emery came over later and I even danced to the "Wiggles". Wow, I didn't think I could be happy again. It's been a very stressful 4 days.

I went and got my blood test done (hope I get an "A"). One test down, 2 to go! And she only had to poke me once!

April 18, 2010

Dave and I headed back to Mesa. I didn't want to leave. I just wanted to stay in Heber and pretend everything was OK. I knew I needed to tell our kids, so as soon as we got home I sent out an email to them. They all called (except Mason, of course!) and expressed their support. I have THE best kids and daughter-in-laws in the whole world!

April 17, 2010

Had a long talk with Tracy, my oldest and one of my closest friends. She did her best to try to get me to face reality, take one day at a time, etc. You are the best, Tracy! At this point I still could not accept that I would be doing chemo. I couldn't sleep - I was a wreck.

April 16, 2010

Luckily Dave had scheduled some classes to teach in Show Low on Saturday. (Before this all happened) So we headed up to stay at the cabin in Heber. Just as well, because I couldn't talk to anyone about this. At least the Chemo part. I was in total denial.

April 15, 2010

Had my appointment with Dr. Chang, an Oncologist, at Ironwood Cancer and Reserch Center. There are like 10 doctors at this center, so the waiting room was packed……with OLD people! No one was under 80 years old, well, maybe 75. I am 52. This is not a place to feel proud about being the youngest one in the room, and I certainly did not want to be a member of THIS club! I insisted Dave not go with me to this appointment because I knew she would just send me for a blood test, and maybe (my worst fear) a bone marrow test. I really like Dr. Chang. She told me I needed to go for a blood test, a PET scan, a bone marrow test, and do a 6 month series of Chemo. CHEMO???? I questioned her on that. She said regardless of the results of the other tests she recommended chemo and proceeded to tell me the side affects, listing losing your hair and eyebrows as nonchalantly as if it was going 6 months without nail polish! (And you know I would NEVER do that!) Boy, did I wish Dave was there! Dr. Chang was as nice as a person could be that has to deliver news like this. I didn’t cry or anything, just shocked to the core. In my mind I decided I wouldn’t do the chemo, I’d hide. I’d go live in Heber, happy as a lark for another 30 years.

April 8, 2010

It's been 9 days since surgery. I went to see Dr. Byrum to get the staples out. She showed me the paper that revealed that the mass was B-cell MALIGNANT Lymphona, grade 3A (5.6 cm). She assured me that the ends of the intestines were "clean", so she was sure that they had gotten all of the cancer. She referred me to an Oncologist for a follow-up.

April 2, 2010

Dr. Byrum came in and asked when I wanted to go home. "NOW!" She said OK. Yay! I have a 2 inch cut in my stomach and 2 smaller cuts on the side. 8 staples total. I have a picture, if you want to see it. JK, that pic is for me only!

March 29, 2010

It had been quite awhile since it had happened, so I was starting to think it was over and done with. Then on March 29 it started up again. It was bad. Brother Reed, our home teacher, came over and helped Dave give me a blessing. I also called his wife, Cheryl, who is a nurse. She was in Portland at the time. It was getting worse and worse. Once again I wanted to go to the ER, but knew it would just cost us a bunch of money! We went to Banner Gateway and sat in the car for awhile, dying. We went in (about 10 p.m.) and they took me back right away because I was throwing up. I thought I would be seen soon. We were in a room with glass sliding doors. Dave was trying to rest. I was dying in pain and would go out where the nurses were at the computers and ask how long till a doctor would be in and if THEY COULD GIVE ME SOMETHING FOR THE PAIN!!!!! I had my sweat pants on because my legs were cold, and a wonderful hospital gown. Dave would try to close the gown in the back and try to get me back in the room. He finally stood by the door to keep me from going out. I was like a mad woman. A mad woman dying of pain!!!! Dr. Vance finally came in about 1:00 a.m. I had been there 3 hours! And I had been in pain for 2 or 3 hours at home before I went! I loved Dr. Vance. He gave me morphine. I would have loved Obama if he had walked in with a dose of morphine! He took an x-ray where they put the board (x-ray)behind my back as I was sitting on the bed. 2 nurses came in and showed me a tube that was going to go into my nose down to my stomach. This must have been BEFORE the morphine because it hurt like &%^$# and they said it would have to stay there until Thursday. This was Tuesday! They checked me into a room. I sent Dave home to get some rest and then I insisted he go ahead and go to work. I was on Morphine and very happy now. Some time later Dr. Vance came in with Dr. Byrum who is a surgeon. They said they had seen a blockage in my small intestines on the x-ray and they thought it needed to be removed at 2:00. Sounds good to me! I’m on morphine and had dealt with this issue for 2 years, so if my right arm needed to come off to stop this pain, so be it! They left the room and I was alone with my thoughts. I was going to have surgery. At 2:00. I looked at the clock, it was 11:45. I thought, “I guess I better call Dave”. I don’t know how long it took me to come to that realization.
Dave and Preston came and gave me a blessing before the surgery. I was pretty out of it. The tube was out of my nose when I woke up! After the surgery I was in my room with 2 nurses when Cheryl Reed walked in. She works at the hospital. That was the first time I cried. It just really touched me that she came to check up on me! My kids and grandkids came to visit, along with Dave’s parents and Jolene. Tannis brought me all my essentials. She also braided my hair, did my nails, and brushed my teeth! Thank you Tanny! That was Tuesday and I was told I could go home Friday or Saturday. Every night and every morning someone would come in to take my blood. Vampires! I hate that! My IV came out at one point and someone asked if a student nurse could do it. I said “Not on me. They always have a hard time getting it in.” The manager nurse came in to do it. She couldn’t believe it. It took her FOUR tries to get the IV in. I still have bruises 3 weeks later!

Past History

In April of 2008 I had an episode where I had bad cramping for hours. I thought it was something I ate. It happened again May 13, the night my twin grandsons were born. The next time was January 7, 2009 when all of us girls in the family went to see “The Lion King” at Gammage. I spent the first half of the show in the bathroom with bad stomach cramps, again thinking it was something I ate. When it happened again on February 12 I was really wondering what was going on and started writing down the dates and trying to figure out what I was eating to cause this! The next time was April 29, and it was so long (6-8 hours) and painful that I went to the ER in Gilbert. They gave me an IV, did a CT scan, couldn’t find anything and sent me home. The next time was May 27, then June 26. The worst time was July 4. Dave and I flew up to Salt Lake for the “Stadium of Fire” show at BYU. Donelle was teaching a group of dancers in the show, and Tannis flew up a couple weeks early to learn the dances and perform in the show. We were SO excited to see the show. Glenn Beck was the MC! We had gone the year before when Donelle had taught a group of dancers and performed in the show also. Dave and I stayed at Ray and Vickie’s home up there. I started feeling sick in the afternoon, and by 5 or so I was wondering if I was going to make it to the show. It had been a few hours already, so I hoped the terrible cramping would stop in time. If I could have crawled into that stadium to watch the show, I would have! Ray and Vickie left for the show, hoping that we would soon join them. I was really dying of pain, but I didn’t want to go to the hospital because it had gotten me nowhere the last time. We drove to the hospital and sat in the car and walked around the parking lot trying to deal with the pain and watching the time, still hoping to get to the show. I finally went into the ER because the pain was not letting up. They gave me an IV and sent me home after an hour or so. It happened again July 18, July 23, August 15, August 29, and October 29. During this time I had a colonoscopy, another specialized CT scan, and was seeing a digestive specialist. They couldn’t find anything wrong. I was afraid to eat anything. I was afraid to travel. I didn’t tell a lot of people about this because I felt like everyone thought I was a wimp and would go to the ER with a stomach ache!